Right Moon?

It's Gonna be a Happy New Year

Have a safe and wonderful weekend, everyone. Thanks for being there for me and this little blog through 2005. Here's to a New Year filled with blessings, delight, warmth, and unexpected windfalls of cash.

listed

I have always been a sucker for year-end countdowns and best-of lists of any sort. If you find my junior high diaries you will come across (undoubtedtly irreverent) monthly lists of "Favorite tv shows and songs". Don't remember all the songs, but Moonlighting, The Cosby Show, Designing Women (and for a brief stretch that seems out of character, Rosanne) were repeat winners in the former category.

I still love lists, and still manage to keep a journal full of them. It's fairly embarassing stuff (although you already know that The Best Show on Television is The People's Court), so I'll just end the year with this one (you'll have to page through the moleskine yourself to find the fluffier stuff):

Books and Stories I read in 2005

It wasn't all High Literature (thank goodness!), but many of the these books and stories kept me entertained this year. I loved many of them, was truly moved and changed by some, and quite honestly deplored a few on the list. Also, I stopped updating the list regularly in early fall, so there are probably quite a few I've forgotten. (Which is, perhaps, just as well. If I've dropped them from memory already, surely they didn't make much of an impression.) I have four books in front of me which are begging to be next on the list (or, I should say, 1st on the "Read in 2006" list), and a couple others I never quite finished this year but haven't given up on.

It will be interesting to see how the Reading Habit holds up when Baby Bumble arrives...

Books and Stories I read in 2005

1. "Life of Pi" by Yann Martel
2. "Reading Lessons" by Edwidge Danticat [short story]
3. "Cards on the Table" by Agatha Christie
4. "The Juniper Tree" by Lorrie Moore [short story]
5. "Old School" by Tobias Wolff
6. "Tooth and Claw" by T. Coraghessan Boyle [short story]
7. "Written in Stone" by Catherine Brady [short story]
8. "Ice" by Thomas McGuane [short story]
9. "Screenwriter" by Charles D'Ambrosio
10. "The Walk with Elizanne" by John Updike [short story]
11. "Bull" by Aimee Bender [short story]
12. "Fixer Chao" by Han Ong
13. "Of Mice and Men" by John Steinbeck
14. "Spilling Open" by Sabrina Ward Harrison
15. "The Roads of Home" by John Updike [short story]
16. "Five Little Pigs" by Agatha Christie
17. "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon
18. "The Killers" by Ernest Hemingway [short story]
19. "The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint-Exupery
20. "Up North" by Charles D'Ambrosio [short story]
21. "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz
22. "The Autograph Man" by Zadie Smith
23. "Curtain" by Agatha Christie
24. "Delta" by Anne Enright [short story]
25. "The Opposite of Fate" by Amy Tan
26. "To a Young Jazz Musician" by Wynton Marsalis (w/Selwyn Seyfu Hinds)
27. "Men of Ireland" by William Trevor [short story]
28. "Lolita" by Vladimir Nabokov
29. "Comfort me With Apples" by Ruth Reichl
30. "Solace" by Donald Antrim [short story]
31. "Reading Lolita in Tehran" by Azar Nafizi
32. "Kiss the Girls" by James Patterson
33. "Running with Scissors" by Augusten Buroughs
34. "Where I'm Likely to Find It" by Haruki Murakami [short story]
35. "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood
36. "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" by Peter Hedges
37. "Where I Work" by Ann Cummins [short story]
38. "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams
39. "Along Came a Spider" by James Patterson
40. "Monday Mourning" by Kathy Reichs
41. "Word Freak" by Stefan Fatsis
42. "Appointment with Death" by Agatha Christie
43. "The Blind Assasin" by Margaret Atwood
44. "Four Blind Mice" by James Patterson
45. "The Big Bad Wolf" by James Patterson
46. "Trace" by Patricia Cornwell
47. "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" by J.K. Rowling
48. "Awaiting Orders" by Tobias Wolff [short story]
49. "Charlie & the Chocolate Factory" by Roald Dahl
50. "Still Life with Woodpecker" by Tom Robbins
51. "Everything is Illuminated" by Jonathan Safran Foer
52. "As I Lay Dying" by William Faulkner
53. "Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenedis
54. "Diane Arbus: A Biography" by Patricia Bosworth
55. "Slapstick" by Kurt Vonnegut
56. "On Writing" by Steven King
57. "A Widow for One Year" by John Irving
58. "Cross Bones" by Kathy Reichs
59. "Shopgirl" by Steve Martin
60. "The Best Year of My Life" by Paul Theroux [short story]
61. "The Year of Spaghetti" by Haruki Murakami [short story]
62. "It's Not Easy Being Green and Other Things to Consider" by Jim Henson et al.
63. "The Smile on Happy Chang's Face" by Tom Perrotta [short story]
64. "Until Gwen" by Dennis Lehane [short story]
65. "A Taste of Dust" by Lynn Sharon Schwartz [short story]
66. "Old Friends" by Thomas McGuane [short story]
67. "Eight Pieces for the Left Hand" by J. Robert Lennon [short story]
68. "Stone Animals" by Kelly Link [short story]
69. "First Four Measures" by Nathaniel Bellows [short story]
70. "The Scheme of Things" by Charles D'Ambrosio [short story]
71. "Silence" by Alice Munro [short story]
72. "The Girls" by Joy Williams [short story]
73. "Simple Exercises for the Beginning Student" by Alix Ohlin [short story]
74. "Old Boys, Old Girls" by Edward P. Jones [short story]
75. "What to Expect When You're Expecting" by Heidi Murkoff
76. "Loud and Clear" by Anna Quindlen

the longest/shortest 26 days to come

Anxiety. Bliss. Excitement. Anticipation. Worry. Zen Acceptance. The baby's coming whether we're ready or not, whether the room is finished or not, and regardless of how many times I check our bank balance and silently fret about finances. I've entered a distinctly more baby-centric phase, wherein I really look 9 months pregnant, I can hardly bend over, and I'm obsessing about all things baby. Sleep is intermittent, hard to obtain in the first place (you try sleeping on a bowling ball!) but then fitful as I wake every few hours from dreams about - what else? - babies. Bear has the flu so we're keeping our distance (ie: temporary separate bedrooms), but we did manage to meet up in the living room today to read The Polar Express and Where the Wild Things Are and indulge in the decadently fried white-trashy goodness of White Castle apple pies.

It's all a jumble, and it's moving so fast. It's wonderful and daunting and unbelievable and magic and surreal, and I can't quite capture it in words or even coherent thought.

santa baby

James (age 5): Hey, Meleesa, do you know how Santa Claus gets into our apartment to deliver all the toys?
Me: Hmmm...well we don't have a chimney to scoot through, but Santa's got magic powers...
James: No. He's just very very small and can walk right in under the door.

[I really wanted to ask how the heck MiniatureSanta gets the LifeSize toys in under the door, but I held back.] Happy Ho-Ho-Ho.

Rambles = Holiday Cheer

I'm just gonna say it, and you'll please humor me by acting at least a bit surprised: I didn't finish even half of the things on this week's "Must Do Before Xmas" list. No, seriously. Biggest casualty: holiday cards. They're sitting in the not-yet-nursery-room in a pile, this close to being ready to send out, but lack addresses or personal notes, both of which are necessary. I thought of sending them out in today's mail, even though this would mean "post-holiday" delivery, but since everyone on "The List" will soon enough be bombarded with birth announcements and cute/cuddly pictures, I've decided to let the holiday cards pass once again. We have received So Many wonderful cards this year that I have officially become The Woman Who Decorates the House with Christmas Cards. They're all over the piano, the fridge, and the table, which is good because I couldn't bear getting out any other decorations this year (because - dare I mention it again? - the baby's room is so very far from being done, and a bigger mess is not called for).

I have managed to get loads of baking done (to prepare 30 goodie bags for doormen, porters, co-workers, and neighbors), and even made cupcakes from scratch for the first time ever. They taste all right, but they look a little, uh, Homemade. Ah, well. The thought must be the thing that counts this year.

Which is good, because I'm thinking of you all and wish you the most wonderful, reflective, joyous, and relaxing holiday weekend ever. It's been a year filled to the brim with trials and triumphs in my life, and I'm revelling in the lessons I've learned, the people I've gained even through the loss, and the incredible miracle on the way.

what to get the girl who's got everything

Transit strike has us our City in a weird state of chaos. Getting anywhere sounds like a headache (no busses! no subways! Driving anywhere means paying for parking, and I've already spent more than I should on cab rides this month.), and the cold temp makes staying in sound like a fine idea. Still haven't gotten out the Christmas decorations, which fits because I also have not sent out the Christmas cards or finished the massive amounts of holiday baking to be done.

So it's been a low-key birthday. Beautiful roses from the husband, beautiful cards in the mailbox from loved ones , and a Happy Birthday duet on the answering machine from my Crazy Kentucky Aunt & Uncle. Surrounded by other gifts, tangible and non... Hello 31.

big red lamp

wavy remnants of snow

holiday crunch

I am surrounded by things which are half-done.

Thank you cards = just a "few more" to send. Dealing with car insurance = waiting for two more people to call me back, before which we cannot properly register the car. Christmas gifts = 85% ordered and on their way. Let's not talk about the room that will soon enough be a nursery but which is still just full of boxes, books, and raw promise. Or laundry. Let's not talk about laundry either.

So I'm a bit nose-to-the-grindstone at the moment, but will resurface soon!

pretty

blasphemy

According to the BBC, "After 80 years in Hundred Acre Wood, Winnie the Pooh is to get a female friend, replacing Christopher Robin, according to reports. The Walt Disney Company has decided to pair Pooh up with a red-haired six-year-old tomboy for its 2007 series..."

I know I'm a purist, but isn't little Christopher Robin girly enough for all of us? And couldn't the little girl character have been added without axing my beloved C. Robin??

mmmm...pancakes

Say what you want about New York City, but does the air mysteriously smell like maple syrup where you are? ("Others said it was caramel, or a freshly baked pie, or Bit-O-Honey candy bars.") This is the second time in a couple of months that the city's been overtaken by the sweet smell, and The People Who Figure Things Out still haven't figured out where it's coming from.
...which would be wonderful if only my sinuses would drain enough to allow me a sense of smell.

free stuff!

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blind

Do you ever have those moments when you get in trouble for something you didn't know you did wrong? When you say something or do something with best intentions (or no intentions at all) only to realize later it hurt someone? Those moments when you feel the bottom of your stomach drop out and the energy quickly drain fom your body? Misunderstading stinks.

open book

After considering the question of "secret blogs" and the phenomena of bloggers keeping a private/anonymous blog on the side (ie: one "public" and one "private", as opposed to one or the other), I started thinking about what my (hypothetical) anonymous secret blog would contain. What secrets do I not want to share with you, and why? What topics do I stay away from on RightMoon that I would have an interest in exploring if I were anonyous? Is there something I'm missing by letting you know who I am? Is there something missing in the honesty here because so many of you know me, and I naturally do not want to offend?

I'll admit that there are topics I genuinely don't have an interest in discussing here (read: politics) for various reasons (but not because of shame or fear). Also, I try to stick to my personal truths and not speak for anyone else. I'm much more catty in real life, and I try not to get (too) gossippy here. I don't want this space to be all about rainbows and unicorns, because life is not all about sunny days, but at the same time I don't need a repository for Total Negativity; I can generally get out the frustrations and judgements without dwelling on them or committing them to permanent record.

What I really realized in pondering this issue is that I don't have any secrets. I'm a private person, so I may hold some things closer to the chest than others, but I can't think of a single thing I wouldn't share under the right circumstances. This makes me a little boring, sure, but it keeps me closer to my "no regrets" personal philosophy.

Do you have secrets? Can you/will you talk to the people about your truths?

(0)1 2 4 (0)6

Geez, all this chick talks about is baby baby baby, right? Excuse the thematic staleness, but mark your calendar, because on the following date we will go from incessant fetus-talk to gushy baby-talk:

January 24, 2006

Yep, we're on the calendar. Also, there's a Hoosier basketball game on ESPN that night, so can you please remind me to set the Tivo before we head to the hospital?

why i'm not scared

Warning: Too Much Information below. Stop looking at me like that...

Last year I had a necessary and life-improving surgery which sliced my intestine, pulled it through a newly-created hole in my stomach, "allowed" me to wear a pouch rather than going through regular bathroom procedures, and gave a wounded part of my body a chance to heal before another surgery. (I could regale you with more details, but none of us has had enough to drink to make it worthwhile conversation.) One year and two surgeries later, I'm much better. I had the ostomy reversed and things are significantly better with my personal plumbing. What I was left with (other than the memories) was a Very Large Scar. This scar was no minor thing, measuring probably 3-inches x 1/2-inch, and included other smaller scars (from incision and stitches) that made my belly resemble a mysterious treasure map.

That was before the pregnancy expansion. The scar has now gone from "the size of a caterpillar" to "the size of a big Twinkie", and is actually where I notice the most change in my body these days (my legs and feet might be changing, but I wouldn't know, because I can't see anything below The Bump). But it's not just an external thing. Underneath the skin on the right side there is a great deal of scar tissue, and this seems to have prevented my baby-bump from growing in anything resembling a symmetrical pattern. As Elaine put it when she saw me last month, I'm "hanging a bit to the left". It's strange, but it's ok.

I'd like to clear this up, because there has been much speculation lately: the doctor is confident that the baby has not been affected by my Crohn's Disease, The Scar, or the strange shape of my belly. (The baby may or may not be affected by my recent overindulgence on jet-puffed marshmallows.) The discomfort is mine, and if the current movement patterns are any indication, the baby doesn't seem to mind one bit.

Next month (!) I am scheduled to deliver this special package via c-section. And while I know this is no small procedure, I've gone through much more dramatic abdominal surgery before, and this time I get to take home a baby at the end. Sounds like a much better deal.