Right Moon?

why i did it

Surfing around aimlessly, impressed but slightly numbed by the usual blogs I visit, I recognize that I've gotten a little lost along the way. (Despite my personal dreams of grandeur and overwhelming celebrity) I did not start this blog for attention, and I never cared about being in the "in group". I didn't do it to inspire. I didn't do it to Make You Like Me. As a matter of fact, I promised myself to write regardless of whether or not you read it at all. I wanted to write every day, because I think I'm a fairly good writer, and without an organized forum I'll never do it and never get any better, and thusly never publish my (as yet unwritten) masterpiece. I promised I'd be true to myself, honest and open as possible. I wanted to write without worrying what You would think, and this has sometimes been difficult. I wanted to give you a picture of my life - the good, the bad, the boring - because goodness knows I seldom answer email, and talking on the phone is never my favorite time expenditure. I said I didn't care if it was pithy or funny or random or tedious, but of course I secretly wanted it to be good.

So what has happened? Well, I've done some of that, sometimes well and sometimes not so much. I've invited you into parts of my life, although I've held a lot back. I've made new friends. I've gained new skills (my photography interest, for example). I've written, sometimes daily.

But I forgot that it's okay to be mundane. I forgot that I started this to paint a picture of my everyday life. In wondering where my blog "fit in", I lost my focus, which was intended to be wide and varied and not really focused at all. I became self-conscious about the implications of writing one more morning sickness post. I stopped writing because I worried that you would be bored with my nothingness.

For a minute there, I lost myself. For better or worse, I think I've found myself again.

Posted by rightmoon at August 24, 2005 01:41 AM